FYI: OnStar providing Santa Updates

"yamahog" (yamahog)
12/19/2014 at 08:13 • Filed to: None

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

For all you Santa stalkers with OnStar subscriptions.

DISCUSSION (11)

Mattbob > yamahog
12/19/2014 at 08:16

"An OnStar Advisor will be happy to provide updates on the jolly old elf's journey using information provided by NORAD." Santa is an elf?? I thought he was a human who subjugated the elves in a Willy Wonka type scenario. On Star is creating a serious rift in the Santa mythos here.

yamahog > Mattbob
12/19/2014 at 08:19

Lol, I've heard the "jolly old elf" phrase before, not sure of origin. Explains the whole not dying thing, I guess?

Alfalfa > Mattbob
12/19/2014 at 08:25

The term "Jolly Old Elf" at least dates back to the classic poem "Twas the Night Before Christmas" which, according to its Wikipedia entry, was published in 1823.

Alfalfa > yamahog
12/19/2014 at 08:26

Well, I guess it's time to get my 17 year old car retrofitted with OnStar.

Logansteno: Bought a VW? > yamahog
12/19/2014 at 08:28

We did this one year with my little cousin, he actually flipped shit excited about it. Good guy OnStar, bringing christmas joy and calling an ambulance when your car slides off the icy road.

Nibbles > yamahog
12/19/2014 at 08:34

I just asked Cortana where Santa is. Her response:

"He could be adding tiny little marshmallows to the cocoa he's making for all the elves."

Said in the cutest voice I've ever heard from a computer. Something's wrong here.

Alfalfa > Logansteno: Bought a VW?
12/19/2014 at 08:41

And sometimes even when you slide off the track.

Sweet Trav > Logansteno: Bought a VW?
12/19/2014 at 09:16

My dad is actually alive thanks to On-star.

Last September, he was coughing and felt "uncomfortable" so much so that he woke my mom up, my mom thought that it was pneumonia and that going to the hospital couldn't hurt, so she and my father hopped into her 2009 Vue, and started driving to the hospital about 35 minutes away.

About five miles from the hospital, my father slumped over in the passenger chair. my mom hit the On-star button, who told her to pull over, and that an ambulance would be on the way to their location, in the mean time on star instructed my mother (5'2" 120lbs) to pull my father (6' 185lbs) from the car and lay him on hard flat surface (the shoulder of the high way) somehow my mother used that crazy hidden super strenght to pull my dad from the car, and On-star talked her through CPR on my dad, after performing CPR on my dad for 3-4 minutes, an off duty EMT showed up and took over for my mother (who had a heart attack a few years ago, I'm pretty much guaranteed to have one with this family history) the ambulance came, they hit him with the Defib unit, a total of three times and after refrigerating his body down to like 85 degrees, a week in a coma on a ventilator, two bouts with pneumonia and some physical therapy he's back, almost as good as he was.

The funny thing was, a few weeks before my mom went to cancel the on-star services because she got a new smartphone. because the car was titled in my dads name, they needed my dad's authorization. My dad kept forgetting to call and cancel, incidentally saving his own life.

Logansteno: Bought a VW? > Sweet Trav
12/19/2014 at 09:27

And this is why my mom keeps her subscription. Just in case something like this were to happen or if she were to get into an accident.